Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Watching her eat just hurts me
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
