it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
