plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
