You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
