when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
