I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
