apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
