Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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