We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Randomize
