Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
