i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
