see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I will pee on everything he values.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
