I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
