I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
