Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
