I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
