I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
