he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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