i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
