umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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