Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
