Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
