she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
