I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
