i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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