she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
