Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
