Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
