whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
