I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
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