You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
