Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
