im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The uberlube is also flammable
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
