be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
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