New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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