I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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