you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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