Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
