Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
