I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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