I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
