he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
