look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
