her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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