Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
