sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
