i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
