I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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