Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Is it because I queefed?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
