I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize