so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
